A week later

Well it's been a week after my mastectomy and I can't believe how blooming quick that has gone,, I came home on the Thursday and I have had to do excersise straight away they had me doing these on the ward before I left,
as I mentioned in my last blog I came home with my drain sticking out of my left side, over the next 5 days I had stood  on it , pulled the tubes apart when I rolled over on the settee, slept really carefully as not to try to pull it out or strangle my self with it , and on Monday I got to go back to the ward and have it removed , I can not describe how that felt to any of you who have never had it done but it was the strangest feeling even odder than only having one boob.

I have got really good movement in my arm , I really expected not to be able to get dressed my self but as long as I do not have to put my arm over my head to high I'm fine,
Even though I have good movement they tell me I'm not allowed to drive for the next 3/4 weeks or as soon as I'm able to do an emergency stop safely, I'm already crawling the walls as I did not go out at all when I had my drain in as I was not walking down the street with my little pink bag they gave me to carry it in and as some of you may have seen I went straight to costa once it was out.

The feeling I now have a week after is strange , all down the back of my arm tingles and is very sensitive , I have been told its due to the nerves being stretched and damaged while I was under, I do not have any pain across my scar ( which by the way is a massive smile shape ) , it is difficult to get comply at night but its a minor thing to have to deal with I suppose. I have been told that they put loads of anaesthetic all around the site and as that wears off u get the feeling like u get at the dentist, I have no feeling under my arm and in my arm pit, that may never come back and now I have to look after my left arm as though it was fragile glass, no damage to my arm or hand at all , no heavy lifting not injecting ,blood test or blood pressure to be taken from that arm for the rest of my life.
I have a load of appointments to go to over the next few months.

Today I was given a present from one of the school mums that I have got to know during this whole mess , I have found I have lost friends and family but I have found new one to replace the gaps and these people fill the gaps far better than what was filling them before ,

My wonky world

I had my next major step of my journey , my mastectomy, I had this on Wednesday, they requested me to be on the ward at 7.30am I assumed I would be going down early, I had not eaten since 6 ish the night before ,
Well as our NHS have odd workings a lady went in before me and she was having major surgery, probably with full recon, so they told me I would be going down around early afternoon, there was no beds either so I had to wait in the day room on the ward, well 7 hours later after them drawing on me and getting me in the hospital gown , I eventually went to theatre at 3.15 by that time I was starting to get a headache due to no drink and food I think,
I felt really calm and totally focused on what was going on, I was really surprised at my self on how calm I was and how accepting I have been with this whole thing, I must give some of that credit to friends and family who just chat to me and listen to me going on and to Fraser and the hypnotherapy it has done me wonders and I recommend everyone to try it with an open mind.

I am now banned from driving for at least 4 weeks boo and im going to be crawling the walls by the end of that time .
i have a new best friend for the next 4 days , my drain , it's a bit icky lol and the only bit that hurts is where it's incerted in to my chest the rest on my scar does not really hurt its very numb and flat
, it's quite dramatic with me having a rather large chest and I really hope that the fake boob they give me in 6 weeks will let me be balanced up till I can have my recon , but I suppose with all you guys knowing if you do see me walking a little strange and leaning over to my right side you will know its not quite right and I am not doing an impression of quasi modo ( the bells) lol

I spent one night on the ward , they had put inflatable compression on my legs to avoid blood clots but between them inflating and deflating and the other women on the ward snoring and the nurses coming  to check my obs and going to the loo as they were giving me loads of liquids I did not get much sleep , the nurses on the ward and all the other staff were fab its a really busy ward but I never felt like I was not looked after , I saw my breast care nurse at 3 on the first day she had come up to discharge me but due to me not even going down , I tried to run off but she stopped me hahahah, I have seen a physo lady who has shown me excersise I need to do to keep movement in my arm , which I have far more of than I expected, I did not think I would be able to get dressed with out help but I'm good. And I have a load of different appointments to go to over the next few weeks. One of them is to find out the results from the lump and to see if I will need 3/4 weeks of radiotherapy and if they are going to give me a prevention hormone drug for the next 5 years .

When I got home the day after ,I came home to this, the card was made by Olivia's class as she has been struggling with the operation she has had loads of support from her class and inside the card is photos of the whole class including the teacher pulling funny faces, the flowers and the chocs are from mike and Olivia,

I also got a delivery from moon pig when I got in from Talia's family ( Olivia's friend from school , Leona and Stuart ) I have to give a massive thankyou to you as you really do not realise how much help you have given me by taking Olivia to school and picking her up if needed, and the card and chocolates are really appreciated and yummy so for now I am chilling on the settee where I will be spending quite a bit of time , with mike fussing around me like a nurse maid ( buggered him off to golf today lol) and watching crap on the tv and making sock monkeys , and boredom blogging but after the school holiday I may be calling out for adult contact and company so will have to put out visiting hours lol ,

Bye bye boobie

Its been 4 full weeks since my last chemo and i feel about 95% normal, i prob would be closer to the 100% if it were not for my bloody hot sweats and the lack of sleep because of them, but us women will have to go through it at some point , im just getting mine away early ,
my hair is growing back but it's just like baby fluff at the moment ..and I have put far too much weight on ( but I'm going to lose quite a bit of that with one boob gone hahahahahaha)

Ok to the next big step is due tomorrow , my mastectomy with clearance of my lymph nodes , I am booked in to the ward at 7.30 but im not sure what time i will be going down, i will be in over night and they will be sending me home with my drains in on Thursday, to be honest the less time I spend in hospital the better I think.
other ladies I'm I touch with say its way easier than chemo and I kind of breezed through that , it's all about the fear of the unknown.

Olivia has been struggling with this op and we have had a lot of tears and clingy moments for her. So I want this over with for her now as well as me and mike as its upsetting me to see her upset.

I'm getting quite nervousness now , I have not sorted out a bag for over night things or anything, may be I will be a bit better once I have sorted that out ,
I need to buy some pjs that button up the front as movement in my arm will not be that good and of course it's going to be sore, already finding it difficult to get underwear to fit with out taking out a mortgage, I will invest in some good stuff at a later date but I need to heal first and I would like to at least hold the one I have got left down lol

I'm not allowed to drive for about 3/4 weeks so I'm going to be crawling the blooming walls of this house , as I can not stand day time tv,  but at least Olivia is off for the next 2 weeks and mike is off for the first of those weeks .

After about 6 weeks post op I may need to go for radiotherapy which could be 3/4 weeks every day at the christie and they may be putting me on a drug for the next 5 years but we will not know that till the removal and the lumps have been tested.

So I'm signing out for now but as I will be bored stiff I may do a few extra of these.

Just the beginning

Since my very last chemo I have been quite busy, I an now 2 weeks down the line and again my side effects have been kind ,I have my moments and find I do get quite exhausted by tea time and some days small things really knacker me out but I'm on the other side so this is a small price to pay,


The other weekend I did a charity bike ride for St Luke's hospice and I got my Baldy Head out for the first time in public , it really did not bother me I got a few looks but no one really bothered.    Loved being on the back of the bike but would not give up my nice warm car.

            

Slowly getting toward my date of the operation 27th, I'm trying to get a few things sorted, like what and how they are going to do my op I have an appointment with my Macmillan nurse this week and I'm going to grill her with loads of questions, this will be the first time I have had an appointment with my nurse so she does not know what she is in for lol

On Friday I have a review appointment at the christie to make sure I have not turned green or anything since my last chemo, it still has not sunk in that I will not be having any more and that the side effect will now get less and less, this means I may start to feel normal again , how long this will take is another question I will be asking. 

MOTHERS DAY

I had a good Mother's Day got a lovely card and chocolates from Olivia , then I arranged to scatter mums ashes over the daffodils along the river weaver where she used to walk her dogs, I found a really good spot that had loads of daffodils starting to grow and probably never get built on.

It's feels like the beginning of a new start , chemo finished, operation looming, getting close to the end of my journey, I have even been arranging possible dates for returning to work, all these things are plans for the future which we have not been able to even think about whilst going through chemo it has been one day at a time 

It is still hard to look too far in to the future but no know know what's installed for them anyway, once I have had my operation and my radiotherapy I will be back in the land of the general public and  trying to get back to a normal life, this will always be a part of me and will always be in the back of my mind, but I will know that I have given my self the best chance I possibly could have by going through this course of treatment and hopefully it will sit right at the back of my mind and I can carry on living with my family and friends.

I WILL be one of the ladies that 30 years down the line can say I had that and beat it,

 I think I may become more involved in helping others that are going through this treatment, as I feel that is what's missing, no positive stories probably because the 85% of people that are classed as survivors are getting on with their lives 

Well it's all happening

Finished all my chemo drugs and injections now
got another ultrasound scan next week
Got a pre op appointment and Got my date for my op today 27th march to say bye bye to one boobie and the bloody c  , I can safetly say I am bricking it last time I went under the knife I was 15.

They tell me I will be out In a day if not the same day , they send you home with your drains in now, better than being in bloody hospital I suppose.

It's worked ok as mike is on shut down the first week as it Easter holidays not sure what we will do the week after but I may be ok we shall deal with that when we come to it.

What have I let my self in for:
I have agreed to go on a charity motorbike ride tomorrow , never been on the back of my brothers bike before and I have decided not to wear my wig as it will only come off when I take my helmet off so it will be my first bald outing , but the ride is for st Luke's the local hospice so I suppose its ok anyway.

Chemo brain moment:
Last week mike was out so I sent him a txt saying I had gone to bed early and taken a sleeping pill so may not hear him come in and I ended it " I love u" and them promptly sent it to my team leader hahahahahahahahahahahahah as soon as I did it I relised and spent the next half an hour laughing about it so did she lol xxx

Im a Chemo graduate

Today I had my last chemo session , we got In really quick and I though we would be done by 12 but no they had lost my notes so this delayed everything but hey ho it's my last one ,

As every time I have been I get to see the oncologist team and discuss my side effect from the last session and to make sure I have enough drugs and stuff to keep me going to the next session.

So they tell me that I will be getting another scan before my op and that I will go back again after the three weeks are up for a review and a blood test to make sure all has gone back to normal and that my white blood cells have sorted themselves out , plus I get to speak to the oncologist again Re the treatment I have had,
I have been told today that the treatment that I have had has been the full wack every time and that the type of treatment is very harsh which is one reason they do change it half way on standard treatment , so I'm well proud of my self that I have had a really harsh treatment and I have sailed through it.

I'm not celebrating tonight but I will be in a few weeks when I'm feeling better. we will be having a buffet with Olivia and mike , like we should have had on New Year's Eve as I still have buffet food in the freeze.

I think mike and Olivia are relieved that the worst part is over and I keep being told by other women that have been through this that the operation and the radiation is the easy bit.

Last one tomorrow

The last 3 weeks have been brill I have found my love of making sock monkeys after buying a new sewing machine, had orders for them already may even start getting them back on eBay 

I have also been out on my first proper night out since all this crap started , I went on the lovely Naomi's hen night in Manchester , we started on the curry mile where I had a korma and because of my sore mouth it tasted hot ( what's that all about, one side effect I can not wait to get rid of) then we went to the dogs , I won 2 races and only ended up being down £3.20 , I just bet on the dogs I liked the names of . Then we went to a rock pub in Manchester ,some where , I had a really good night even though I did not really drink much as I did not want it , 

I hope the tea total thing goes as I did enjoy the odd beverage now and again.

It has been school holidays this week and mikes birthday, so we have done loads , been to Liverpool, made candles , been for ice cream ( putting weight on). not really though about cancer much, and now it's come time to have my last chemo ...................

I'm a little nervous and excited all at the same time as I will not get to see the oncologist again and now I go under the surgeon and possibility the radiographer but I will not know if I need him till I have had my operation.

I went to see the surgeon on Tuesday and to be honest they did not tell me anything I did not really know , they are doing a mastectomy but will not do a reconstruction at the same time and will not take the good boob off at the same time . Really disappointed at this but it's because the possible radiotherapy that I may need affects the elasticity of the skin so if they do the recon it may go wrong and would have to redo it . It looks like I would not get the recon done for 12 months which seams a really long time, so I am going to ask at the christie tomorrow .

So bring on the last chemo and the last set of side effects and the steroid lack of sleep and the manky mouth and the increase of hot sweats as I want to get closer to the op when they cut the bugger out , I can do this and I am still going to beat this and get life back ...........

So I need all the thought and hugs and good luck vibes I can get from all you that read this.  This will not be my last blog I'm here to bloody stay 

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