Third of the way through

Had my second chemo today , before I went I was feeling tired due to my cough keeping me awake, this is now getting better but I am now on catch up with my sleep , so I got my ass in gear and went as jessie all glammed up.
All went well, there was no disasters and we were in and out reasonably quickly ,

As I have said before my tumours are 14mm and 8mm but my body has swelled around them to a measurement of 16 cm measured before my first chemo , well it measured today 7cm LESS which is amazing and it looks like the drugs they are giving my suit my body and are working.

I am totally knackered now but because I get given steroids with my chemo and more to take for the next few days, sleep will be hard to find at normal times. Feel a bit sicky this time but got enough drugs to help with that.

Over the weekend I get to have breakfast in bed made by Olivia, she is looking forward to looking after mummy, as it does take me a while to get my act together over the next few days , but you know me I will bounce back soon.

I seam to think about mum on these days a lot, wish she was still here and helping me through this but I have an amazing and best family and amazing friends to make up for it , I love you all xx I know I could not get through this with out you all ..

Jessie at work

Been in to work today , thought I should before , my next chemo on Friday , just to see you guys.

I went to show jessie off I suppose , even though I have put her on here and my Facebook I was still a bit nervousness showing her off in the flesh ( well material) , but I really have need not worried , as usual all my work friends were fab and really positive about me and my wig , and most of them said she is better than my normal hair , not sure what you guys are trying to say hahaha

I have relised that my blog is helping people in different ways , I have been told it shows some people how members of their family that have been through this could have been feeling and gives them a better understanding of this whole thing, it's also made people think that life is short and to grab what you can as soon as its offered as you may not get another chance, it's also made people look at their own health and change things , and I hope it has made people check their own bodies male and female. If any of you have questions when you see me , please ask .
I believe knowledge is power and the more you know the better you are prepared for anything.

I decided against Zumba tonight , I opted for a chill on the settee , even jessie is taking it easy .

a little bit of normality

To all of you that know me well ,

Guess where I have been , and no it's not costa

ZUMBA, 
For the mind body and sole

I love my Zumba family , every one was happy to see me, I did not relised that I was missed so much.
I really enjoyed Zumba , and I was really surprised how much I was able to do, if it was not for my
cough I probably would have done the whole class.
I am going to try to make it on Wednesday as well .

After I got in the shower and my grade 1 hair cut is off down the drain, I'm glad as its been hurting me the last few days. And I will rock the egg head look as well . ;)


I used to help out on a Wednesday at zumba for Natalie and take the money before all this started ,
She is such a lovely person and has bought me an Xmas present , I could not wait till Xmas and opened it.
A lovely iPad case , my ipad is what I do most of my blogging on . But after trying to get these pics on here it nearly went out of the bloody window lol

.

Pros and cons

Been thinking of pros and cons of having no hair ,

Cons:
I look like an egg
It's cold
I stand out like a sore thumb
Olivia says I look like mike
I'm constantly wearing a hat and scarf as my neck is cold
In windy situation I nearly lost jessie on the car park

Pros:
Getting dressed is far quicker after a shower
I rock the bald look
I get to wear a fab wig and become jessie which Olivia loves
I get to buy loads of head coverings
I do not have to buy shampoo and conditioner for the next 5 months
I do not need to get my hair cut for prob 12 months
I had a good laugh thinking about people's faces seeing me running after jessie if she did take flight
I can now sympathise with the folacaly challenged
IT WILL GROW BACK

So after them its totally beneficial having no hair lol

Its Jessie time

ok , so i am on day 11 and getting bored as not allowed to stay in the general pubic for long due to low immunity time , this will happen around this time every session,
I have found a way to still geta costa though, send my husband in for a take out lol.

After day 14 is when your hair starts to fall out and as you know from my other blogs I was not letting the chemo rule when that happens, so today my husband has shaved it all off to a grade 1 , I think he was more emotional than I was , I have sent a pic to a few close people and they have said that I could pull the no hair look off , but we shall see if i really do have the balls to do that. :)

I put on my make up and put Jessie on for when Olivia came home and first thing she said was "take it off then" when I did she said it feels like daddy's hair , I asked her if I still look like mummyas she told me the other day she would have to call me daddy as I would look like a boy, she said yeh now put it back on lol,

so we compromised and she got to choose which scarf I put on instead and to be honest i can now feel the cold anyway.

7 days later

Well hello every one of you lovely people out there,

though i would get a coffee and a massive bowl of home made salted popcorn and give you all a shout













I'm now 7 days down the line from my 1st ever chemo and i can safely say i am feeling fab,

when you get there they give you a bloody long of  POSSABLE side affect, prob around 12 different things that COULD happen , well , this is me and I have only had one of them , heartburn and i have a massive bottle of gaviscon to sort that out.

mike and i have been wondering how i would have been if i had not used my hypnotherapy treatment, no matter what anyone says i really do believe in mind over matter more than i ever did before, i could not even go to the dentist without passing out as i got myself so worked up to the run up of it that it all got too much , and now i swan in and out of blood test and chemo treatment as if its an every day occurance for me, even the after affects are minimal,

I have been pampered by my family , Olivia has been making me breakfast in bed and a brew , which she is really proud of doing, she is a really good kid and has coped with all this very well , quite often we forget she is only 6. I think santa will need a bigger sleigh this year to deliver her stuff.



next week my immune system is at it lowest from day 10 to day 14 and i have to be extra careful to say away from the general snotty public, but then im allowed out again , so im thinking of visiting some of you guys.


hair is still in tact for now but that will defo fall out next week, around day 14

mike had to give me an injection to boost my immune system the day after my chemo , he now feels empowered to shave my head when i want it done , i really do only have enought for one shampoo left now so im not bloody buying any more :), plus i have had so many nice and positive messages about Jessie that im looking forward to wearing her and to be honest i really do not care if anyone thinks its or even knows it a wig , i think i look good in it . plus Olivia thinks its great , so thats all that matters , oh and mike likes it a little too much on me lol

Innocents of youth / Funny moment

Let me explain as easy as I can about my chemo bag that was given to me by Naomi on take 2 of my chemo

It was all linked with hair loss but not from my head!
The item in it were:
1, Designs an animal that builds dams and has bucked teeth
2, Some bling for that same area( think towie)
3,And we'll it was called a kitty carpet, use you imagination

Now some of you know I have a 6 year old daughter and unfortunately I left these items on the stairs to take up and hide in my draws , but I forgot
She saw them on the stair this morning And asked mike what they were, I burst out laughing and mike says go and ask your mum, so she bring them upstairs and say "mum what are these"

So my explanation was ,
The kitty carpet is to keep my bits warm . But I would never use it plus it already molts more than the dog
The designer bling Is stickers to make it look nice .....lol
And the designer animal that build dams is to add fur in it to look like a monkey ,
So she starts playing with that and look on the back where it give you ideas on different designs , I have no idea how to explain that,

Her reaction was ew! and can I have the sparkly stickers lol innocents of youth

FEC it's Friday

I'm now back after my first successful round of chemo ( called fec) in my Jammies and being waited on by my lovely husband.

Well all I can say is it went smoothly and I have had no issues with this set of drugs, so I am now on the fight to battle this ,

I did get another chemo bag from Naomi but I am not able to put that on here this time , there may be children reading , but I did get a fab bag this time that I will use to carry my iPad in.



I love all your messages and I am overwhelmed with the response on this blog, today it has hit over 1000  views and has gone global as I link it to the bottom of my posts on the Macmillan site and the breast cancer care pages
So still feel free to post it anywhere you like , to get the word out there.

So for the next week I'm not sure what its going to throw at me , and how I'm going to deal with it , all I know is that I'm on my journey and glad you all have my back .

Only a small amount of chemo has an affect, it must be bloody good stuff

Well considering I only was able to get under a 5th of the chemo in me before I wanted to get naked, it seams to be having an affect 2 days later , I feel quite achy to day especially on the side where the injection was added, the dolce taxol aches your bones and can affect quick growing cells like nails and hair, but I have not had enough for that to take affect,

So I'm having a chill in bed and it may be a pain killer day, but other wise I'm fine for now .

I did not have my head shaved yesterday because my chemo does not really start again till next week and I would have regrowth of around 3 weeks so I would have to do it twice. So for now I have my curly poodle look still , but of course I can still use jessie.


Last night we decided to take Olivia to the local bonfire and fireworks at the park, my brother nick and Naomi came as well , Olivia had fun on the rides and it was really nice spending time with my family all together.

We stood in the cold to watch the fire works and the tears flooded, not sure why may be because I was having A good time with my family around me , but for some reason it made me think of mum and that she hated fireworks as it always upset her dog, did not matter which dog ,the ones she had never liked fireworks (Charlie's not bothered really,he either hard or stupid lol ) , looking up I wondered if she is watching , people believe when ever gets them through , mum never believed in that , but I do believe every thing happens for a reason, which would explain why I found my lump 2 days after mums funeral, I think she may have been poking me there to make it swell up , other wise I would not have known they were there because they are so small .


I really do not know why I feel the need to do this blog , but it really helps me to put these things down and move on , some of you should try it , you do not have to publish these things they can be. Private to you .


Right enough of this I'm getting out of bed to have some toast.

Chemo rescue pack

I have a special thank you to make to Naomi Thomas for this chemo rescue pack she gave me .

let me explain it to you :

honey and lemon to help with sickness and just because its nice
ginger bread men in small packets also to help with sickness that i can have in my bag
vasaline for my lips as they will crack
hand balm for my hands as your skin goes dry
a book to put my bog ideas in
condoms for mike so he does not lose any more hair as chemo can pass on lol
lube to moisturise the other lip of my body lol

thanks loads made me really laugh ,as i opened these as they were hooking me up
 but as my chemo went tits up i will expect another one next week lol xxxxxxxxxx

Cooking at Christies

Well it was never going to go smoothly with me was it,
I never seam to sail through anything,

 So I get there all the bloods go well and I trip off to the trial unit, by the way I did not get the trail drug I'm going to be the control group so I still get all the extra treatment , First they did not take all the blood and wanted more,
then the chemo starts within seconds and all I can describe is im on fire inside , I wanted to take all my clothes off (which I refrained from doing ) wig and all was going to come off , and yes I have come here as Jessie , and feel Fab about it. Not many people realise it is a wig. Even the nurses that see them all the time. Bonus.
So I get pumped with antihistamines and more steroids. And back on the chemo but slower, so I will be here a lot longer but on the up side I will get the antihistamine before the next time so I do not have to go through this again .

 Well my allergic reaction did not stop so I have not be able to take that drug as I'm far too sensitive to it even after they pumped me full of antihistamines so I have been pulled off it and Have to go back next week to speak to the doc on the next course of action and start the new course next week on the same day ,
we all feel really disappointed as if its another kick in the nuts, but its just another hurdle that we will have to get over , I'm sure there will be more and i have not lost my tigger because of this ,I hope that I will be just as positive next week as it has made a massive difference on how the day went .

 On the up side I have found a new disease it's called jaffamnesia it's what happens when you eat Jaffa cakes , you forget how many you have eaten and when you look the whole box has gone , I know it's real as we got this off the nurse,
 Also mike bought me a galaxy bar and bonus I won another ,
 And I have come home and had a chippy tea,

 So I need all the back up I got today next week I hope you are all up for the challenge Xxx
sarah/Jessie xxxx